10 Things You Thought Would Happen When You Went Natural That Didn’t

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This is an amusing, but true list of things I thought would happen when I went natural. I’m sure many of you can relate.

10.) You were going to magically swell with confidence and have this spectacular increased sense of self-awareness.

Then you cut your hair and felt self-conscious while trying to adjust to your new appearance and may even have sat there wondering, “Now, what am I going to do with it?”

9.) You could wear your hair out when you went to bed, and after sleeping with your hair out, you could just roll out of bed and go about your day. e_e <;;— side-eye for real.

No more satin bonnets and pillowcases for me! Get real. Talk about a hot mess. The pillow sucks all the moisture from your already dryness-prone hair and causes it to frizz and mat. Natural hair can make bed head look 10x worse. Go to sleep looking like Erykah, wake up looking like Don King.

8.) You wouldn't have to run from the rain, worry about sweating, going swimming, or humidity.

Unless you had that twist-out or a fresh press! Insta-poof!

7.) You could wash your hair everyday.

Uhh I don't know about YOU, but after growing out, MY hair takes an average of 3 – 4 hours to do.

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We don’t. We really don’t.

6.) Your hair would be strong enough to withstand harsh combing and brushing.

You think back to when your mother (or father) would rake a comb through your hair to detangle so you think to yourself, “Natural hair is strong and can take punishment and may even require a strong hand.” Worked then, right? WRONG! Breakage City.

5.) Your hair would grow effortlessly like a weed and you would rock a huge Pam Grier/Chaka Khan afro.

You went natural and found out your hair doesn’t grow any faster and you certainly won’t retain length without proper care, which takes time, patience, and energy. Also, you didn’t take into account shrinkage. Your hair might give you Pam with a blow-out, but serve you Maya Angelou with shrinkage.

4.) You could use any hair care product in the store that caught your fancy.

Or that the products you used when you were relaxed would translate over to natural hair. Sometimes your hair would straight-up reject a product or turn out greasy as a mug.

3.) That a wash-n-go is as literal as the name sounds.

Only to quickly discover it’s more of a wash-condition-detangle-moisturize-gel-shingle-wait-for-it-to-dry-n-go.

2.) Your hair would fall into neat little ringlets and/or S-curls with a little product like curl activator.

But that would be assuming your hair even clumps into curls. Some people go natural thinking they’re going to get Soul Glo, but in actuality, they’re going to get Grace Jones. No product is going to clump and hold your curls if it doesn’t already clump into curls. Love what you have.

1.) Shock and awe would ensue when people saw your hair or that you would stand out in a crowd and people would stare at you and your glorious fro.

And wasn't it bout a biscuit when you walked outside and realized didn’t nobody give a DAMN? The world didn't change, nobody was checking for your hair, you barely caught a second glance, and the most you got was a snide comment like, "So when are you getting your hair done?" or an indifferent "Oh, you're natural now." Word?

What did you think would happen when you went natural that didn’t?

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